After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
