No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
