the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
