Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
