Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
