dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
