I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
