So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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