speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
