Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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