You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
