Small penises have feelings too.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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