Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
