sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
