Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
