Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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