Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
