ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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