i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
