So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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