how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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