Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
