i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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