My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
