I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
