I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
