can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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