You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
