I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
