It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
how drunk are you?
Several
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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