She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
