Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
