There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Semen is not good for contacts.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
