Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
