Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
