she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
