Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
