you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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