Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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