You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
