I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
