It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
