EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
