it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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