I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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