How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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