WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
