i just wanna soil my oats bro
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
