Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
