Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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