But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
