i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will be naked everywhere
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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