Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
