i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
