I need help removing her.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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